Doubt about Mahabharata

In a remote village of India, the teacher was telling the Mahabharata story to the 6th class students. He is at the Krishna's birth part of it.

Teacher:"Kansa heard from the skies that his sister's 8th child was going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudeva and Devki behind bars. First son is born, and Kansa killed him by poisoning...Second one was born, and Kansa threw him off the mountain peak. Third one was born.....

Ramu: I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Teacher: "Ramu, my dear! The whole of India doesn't have any doubt in Mahabharata, then how come you have one?"

Ramu: Sir, if Kansa knew that Devki's 8th child was going to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudeva and Devki in the same cell?

The teacher fainted

Banta & Laloo 5

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that that was enough.
So Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want
any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called
vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home,
get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in an empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I m the smartest man in Bihar, but I don t see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."
So the couple drove away to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to
tell them about the procedure for vasectomy when he noticed it was Laloo
Yadav. This doctor told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali firecracker, light it, place it in a Coke can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn t be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a Diwali firecracker and put it in a Coke can. He held it up to his ear and began counting with the fingers on his left hand: "1,2,3, 4,5.." At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand!

Banta & Laloo 4

Santa goes to a bar in London for a couple of
drinks. As he is sitting alone and drinking, he notices a sexy woman sitting in a
corner, alone and staring at him. At first he tries to ignore her, but the
sight of her huge boobs is still rolling in his mind and he looks at her again.
Now the woman smiles back at him and Santa gets very excited.
He gulps down a couple of neats and gathering courage goes upto her and
says, "Excuse me...I am Santa from India. Can I sit
here and buy you a drink?" The woman agrees and soon both of them are drinking
away like good ole' friends. Then after everything is through Santa and
the lady walk out of the bar. But Santa is in a great mood to screw her.
Again gathering courage and slighty drunk, he asks her, "Eschcuse me, can be
have sex tonight, please??" The lady says, "Well I don t mind, but you see I'm
on my menstrual cycle" "No problem" says Santa "you proceed in your
menstrual cycle, I will follow you in my Honda Accord !"

Banta & Laloo 3

A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes
she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees
a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western
accent to our Santa (owner)....
What's the time?? Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English
accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........
Bra-panties!! Confused the lady asks again.........
No! No! What's the time?? Santa again answers back..........
Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!! Seeing the confusion going between the two another
man comes to the rescue of the lady and says.......
O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade kol time puuch rahii hai
gayee!! Angry Santa shots back at him......... Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)

Banta & Laloo 2

Default
One evening Santa and Banta were arguing over which
of them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the
issue by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental evidence, as it were.
So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go
to their respective rooms. Banta energetically balls his whore and, reaching
up with a pencil, makes a "| " mark on the wall.
Then he falls asleep. He wakes up in a couple of hours and screws the
whore again, a little less enthusiastically this time. Again, he reaches back
and marks a " | " on the wall. Again, he falls asleep.
Banta wakes up again in a couple of hours and
lethargically humps the hooker again. He drowsily marks another " | " on the wall
and falls asleep for the rest of the night. The next morning, Santa enters into Banta's room to
see how he did. He takes
ne look at the wall and exclaims, "A hundred and
eleven?! You beat me by three!"

Banta & Laloo 1

Once Banta and his girl friend were fighting over who was a better at thinking better. They both decided to think for a minute and present their thoughts a minute later Banta presented a poem - Two plus Two is Four plus five is nine. I can pee in yours but u can't pee in mine

His girl friend said 'oh yeah' and equaled Banta.
Two plus Two is four plus five is nine. I can know the length of yours but u can't know the
depth of mine!!

Banta & Laloo

Banta was recruited as a salesman in a music shop where musicrecords, gramophones etc. were sold. The proprietor, at the time of interview, had instructed him that if any customer asked for any item which was not in the stock, he should suggest for an alternative instead of refusing the demand.

One day a pretty young girl of 18 entered the shop and asked Banta, " Mr. have you got TWO LIPS & SEVEN KISSES ?" The record was not in the stock hence Banta suggested," No madam, I have not got two lips and seven kisses but I have got TWO
BALLS AND SEVEN INCHES." The girl exclaimed," Is it a record?" Salesman answered," No madam, it s quite NORMAL."

Escaping In Helicopter

Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...

Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett (cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off

Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?

Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...

Liquid Oxygen Me Daal Do

Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?

Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.

Superconductor Me Daal Do

Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?

Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko superconductor me daal do, saala bus mein ticket detedete thak jayega.

Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?

Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !

Hamlet Poison Khilado

Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?

Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !

Mission Par Kaise Jaaoon

Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.

Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!

Social Security

Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy.

Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.

Hole And Water

Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside.

Raabert is perplexed ! Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??

Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale jayega !!

Shaarthand Seekh Legi

Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.

Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.

Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ?

Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

India Bids For Channel Tunnel

When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England & France, many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high; the job of digging building expertise. Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollar, each; French & German builders were marginally lower.
There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.
Banta Singh & Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board.
The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"
"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab & Haryana. We can bore holes anywhere."
"This is not as simple. How will you connect the tunnel from the English side to the French?" "Simple," replied Santa Singh, "Banta Singh will dig from the French end & I from the English."
The Chairman was flabbergasted. "You don't realise that it will need a lot of accurate calculation to get the two tunnels to meet at the same point under the channel. Other companies' estimates are over 200 million dollars each & you think you can do the same job for 5 million dollars. How will that be possible?"
"What is bothering you?" demanded Singh & Singh, "if our two tunnels don't meet, instead of one we will give you two tunnels.

Hole And Water

Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside.

Raabert is perplexed ! Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??

Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale jayega !!

Shaarthand Seekh Legi

Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.

Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.

Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ?

Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Checkpoint

Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger starrt kar do.

Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?

Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

Test Match

Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?

Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.

Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.

Raabert: Yes Boss.

Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......